I have friends who haven't had it for some 5-8 years because their wives aren't into it anymore. How can a woman say she loves her man but cut him off intimately and expect him to stick around and not resent her for it?
Swipe to go to another post.
I had a friend of mine that went through that. He wanted to cheat on her, but I told him NOT too, told him to leave her, because both of you obviously don't love each other anymore. So he did, and he's much happier now.
So the guy or guys should leave their wives, life is too short ... Lessons learned.
Depends on why...if there is a good reason then you can look at it a different way, if you love her you will respect her wishes..I'm old now and I respect my wife's wishes...if I was younger, I would leave if it could not be sorted out...
In other words you're saying you're fine with it now and it doesn't bother you as much as it would in the past.
You get used to it, but if I was younger I would have to work out what's best for both of us and how we could move on...
I agree with what you've said. I went ten over ten years in mine with no ** because of this, then she left me anyway so it's a wonder that I am sane enough to make any sense at all about anything. I also never cheated once and tried hard to be a good partner hoping things would change. But I think part of it was some underlying health issues but still. We only had before we got married, then suddenly there was no interest, so the idea of being married again terrifies me for this reason. For me it was like a death sentence for **.
Wedding cake has that effect sometimes. Don't know what they put in it.
I had uncles tell me about this when I was younger and i laughed at them. I thought it would be totally different for me.
Damn it Oz you're scaring me, I'm starting to fear this fate.
Sorry, didn't mean to. I'm sure there are plenty of married couples that do, somewhere. Maybe it'd be a good poll to post somewhere, asking anyone who's been married longer than say 5 years, how often they have ****? It probably wouldn't work on here because you'd need anonymity. I'm a member on Similar Worlds and they have a large membership base, I could post it and see?
No need for anonymity, simply a question for the married users to confirm or deny if the no **** after marriage stereotype is true
Yes you’re right, that’d be simple and straightforward. I will try and get back to you with the results
Ok so I’ve asked it now. I gave 4 choice options
**** after marriage:
Stayed about the same
I’ll be back with the results :)
Results so far:
20% stopped completely
Just going to sleep. I’ll post an update in the morning. It’s getting a lot of votes and it’s not looking good for **** lol
Here's the next days update:
19% stayed the same
27% stopped completely
So it's not an accurate statistic by any means but it's interesting.
Roughly speaking, once you both bite that wedding cake you have as much chance as getting the same amount of ** or more, as you do with getting less ** or none at all.
Dip your feet in the water and you will find a different kettle of fish next time....if you get my meaning..lol
How can you cure an Irish nymphomaniac? Marry her. (bah-dum-cha)
It's never been years in my marriage (at least not yet) but it can be months. We've talked about it and to be honest I don't really understand the reasons. She can assure you that you're loved but at times it certainly doesn't feel that way. The only thing I can do is keep the lines of communication open.
I’m sorry you are going through that but it sounds like you are managing it well. I think I’m my situation when my partner ever got stressed or upset she wanted to withdraw and be on her own. I’m the exact opposite, I want to talk and cuddle when I feel that way. But if you are still communicating this is great to hear! :)
'Many people have been in similar situations'.
Suffice it to say, I can attest to the truth of that statement.
What the **** is wrong with you?
Men need to use the same wooing methods in marriage as they use outside marriage. It is 90% on them to make it happen.
However ** for men is like other elimination needs and those who deny that are, well, in denial. Men must ** or they become aggressive and bitter.
Women who achieve orgasms regularly are happy and healthy. If her partner is not putting her needs before his own he is a cad. If she is not willing to facilitate his ** then she either doesn't understand the need or she doesn't belong in a heterosexual relationship. Intercourse is nice but love and support for the necessary biological functions of sexual ** should be part of all heterosexual relationships.
If a man becomes aggressive and bitter I'd lack of **** isn't problem maybe something more personal being in a relationship means working things out being hostile aggressive and bitter won't solve anything.
Agreed. It doesn't help. I said it happens, not that it's good or fair, it is what it is.
I guess you've not had to go for a long time without an orgasm or you would know that.
For clarification, Vic, I assume you mean an orgasm provided by another person.
Otherwise, no one need go for long without one, unless there is some functional disorder.
Yeah his comment made little sense to me too.
I have heard that some partners make it difficult. Shaming or otherwise interfering. Providing a safe and loving environment for **** is the very least a partner can do if (s)he is unwilling to participate.
Participation can be physical, it can be a fantasy tale, an striptease, shared viewing of videos or simply privacy without judgment.
But sneaking around trying to choke a chicken when no one is looking is more stressful than necessary in a loving relationship.
Well. gee, I find it hard to imagine someone who doesn't want to have **** being such a dog in the manger that they would also object to the deprived partner pleasuring themselves, but still regard the relationship as loving.
Sounds like something John Harvey Kellogg might have done.
Or both of my brother's ex's
But since they are ex's, the relationships must surely have ceased to be loving at some point, and maybe the objection to ** was really just another excuse for complaining. Unless of course the preceded the loss of interest in **.
I've known several girls that were more than a little bit hurt to discover that their S.O. spent more time with **** than they did making love with them.
Yes, but the personal relationship has to be in good shape for the things you describe to happen.
Otherwise, they won't feel like it, or at most, just go through the motions.
I had to read this a few times to try and understand you. You are focused on orgasm, but the topic is about ****. Orgasm does not have to be the be all for an intimate relationship. Yeh, great when it happens, but some people can't even get there anymore for health, age, or other reasons.
Assuming the man can squirt, he pretty much needs to - every day. His partner should either help or at least make it easy for him to achieve that without shame.
Every man who can still squirt needs to do so once a day, on average?
I've read that the average is more like 3 times/week, and less than that past the age of 50.
Good for you. Every other day.
Once a year on your birthday doesn't cut it.
Rejoice, Vic! Tonight's the night!
Happy Birthday Thinker
Now I heard it all.
There is making love. But there is a biological need to squirt. Keep that in and it causes as much street as holding in a ****.
Might seem gross or non-romantic because it is. Male **** is both a bodily function and a potential source of offspring. Sadly many women and some men don't (Or won't) get this.
VicZinc, you are different. Now I'm seeing ketchup and mustard bottles. I hope I don't see that the next time I get a "squirt".
Thanks for the smiles.
Sorry, unless you're a muslim, wife does not equate to slave.
Lol it's funny and sad at the same time
(It's also true)
That's why its both of those at the same time. What was the absurd decision of not too long ago? Uae in charge of women's rights?
So, she should put out just cuz he wants it? Ahh, no.
** is more than a bodily function for Pete's sake. It's a shared, intimate experience. If she is shamed into having **, it becomes no more meaningful than taking a dump.
There's usually a good reason for losing interest. Don't blame the woman, maybe the male is to blame as well. If a marriage depends on **** alone, then that marriage isn't worth saving. They should seek counseling.
I agree, it's a team effort and if something is lacking then it's on both of them, **** is not the foundation of marriage but is key to a happy and fulfilling one.
I can say one thing. If **** is your #1 reason to be married then your marriage is doomed from the get-go.
I agree 100%. I think that's why a lot of marriages fail, once the honeymoon is over, and the day to day life begins, marriage isn't what they expected.
Yes if your just in a marriage for the **** how pathetic is that. What about love trust being there for and supporting your partner. And other things that lead to successful relationship.
Glad I'm still having **** regularly after 40+ years of marriage. Some nights, my wife even joins in.
There are many reasons why a woman might not want ** anymore, both physical and mental. Then there are relationship issues. Any man that thinks a woman is selfish for refusing ** under these circumstances doesn't deserve to be in a relationship anyway and is nothing but a sexist jerk. Women should never be slaves to men.
I completely agree! I guess for me it was just a very lonely time, especially when I never knew what the reason was and I was trying my best to be sensitive to her needs but also never pushy or demanding. I just felt unloved and my self-esteem went down with every rejection.
Also others who I tried to get advice from kept telling me that I should be a bit more forceful and show that I'm interested, but this idea felt completely wrong to me and I would never do that so I felt alone and misunderstood.
Intimacy is important. It's a shame you couldn't connect and went all those years. I can't commit to marriage with anyone, but I'm open about it.
I know what you mean. The thing was that for the two years we were together before we got married everything seemed perfect, there was so much intimacy and we felt so close. I just don't know what changed, but my feelings never did, that's why I kept trying and hoping that some how things would get better. Also I was brought up to believe that once you committed to a marriage that you didn't quit just because you were going through a tough time. The only thing was, my tough time went for over ten years.
That's sad. Many people try and put up with what hurts them. I know I don't have it in me to give what it takes for a marriage.
At least you recognises that so in a sense that is more admirable I think, that you haven't taken on something that you don't think you'll be able to see through.
So, you're posting a self narrative, I presume.
WTF? Are you the "other" woman that justifies why a married man should sleep around?
** is two people. If my partner was having a problem, I would want to know why. People stop having ** for lots of reasons. Selfish is not the first word comes to mind.
Something would have to be really wrong with the relationship itself if it's an intimate one.
I agree totally. Calling it selfish is just insulting and of course this post doesn't mention the biggest killer in a sexual relationship between a man and a woman these days which is erectile dysfunction.
Is a man selfish if he can no longer 'get it up' to please his partner? Of course men will say no. Different story when it comes to women.
Exactly. Men, women, we are all the same with what makes ** work. More than working **.
My sister is a nurse and she was telling me that so many guys these days over the age of 30 have erectile issues. It's probably due to diet and unhealthy lifestyles I guess.
Yes and most of them expect their female partner to stick around and not cheat. Again it is another double standard. If a woman cheats due to lack of ** she is a , cheater and . If a man cheats due to lack of ** he is just doing 'what he (thinks) needs to be done.'
You are right, this is sadly so common. Brothels are populated by guys who are cheating on their partners because they say they aren't getting it at home or, she's not interested in a specific kink they have. Yet at the same time, the girl is supposed to always be interested and as well as that, be sensitive to his ego and help him though is dysfunctional times.
All the planets have to align. It's physical and emotional.
Yes definitely both of those. There's a girl at work I was talking to and she was telling me that her and her husband are wanting to start a family and she wanted to know if lack of interest in **** was common for guys in their late 20's especially erectile dysfunction? After saying NO! I asked her about his lifestyle and the guy drinks like 12 cans of beer a night. Seriously nothing is going to function doing that. Lots of guys here do that though, it's very common. If I had a partner that I loved I wouldn't go near alcohol and my diet would probably be more fanatically health driven than it is now.
Guys definitely can get disinterested like girls. Constant beer drinking will do it with men.
Yes a woman should never be considered a slave to any man a partnership is just that a partnership equal all the way around being a sexist pig never helps
I'm sorry to sound depressing and self-focused on this post. I always struggle at christmas time being on my own and trying to maintain a balanced view of relationships. I do think it's a worthwhile post even though I don't agree that women are to blame if they lose interest in ****. I would never force something like that ever and would love to think that intimacy issues could be overcome or at least understood through good communication. Although that never did work out for me
The first two options aren't mutually exclusive. People have the right to be selfish.. especially when it comes to their own bodies.
It's not my place to say what goes on between 2 people in a relationship, what works for one relationship may not work for another.
I know of relationships that the *** continued long after love and affection was gone. Selfish? IDK
She has the right to refuse **** and he has the right to want it, if she refuses to put out he has the right to leave her, when the needs of two people together arent met the relationship is doomed. I would leave such a relationship. I dont think it's selfish but rather loveless and pointless to remain in such a marriage.
"Put out"? Is that how you see making love? I don't disagree that you have a natural desire for it, but your terminology isn't very conducive to a loving relationship. jmho.
Im just using a term here, for the sake of not repeating the same word.
What is with all the women bashing on here its sickening,disgusting,uncalled for behavior these are grown men? I see immature little boys who need to grow up ever heard of respect? Its not going to kill you idiots to try it or take your women hating comments and posts elsewhere nobody here cares to hear your adolescent viewpoint.
Some feel threatened by strong confident women? I dunno There has even been a few women hating women posting too. Not a nice trend going on here.
There are a couple of very loud female women haters on here too. It is not all men and that is perhaps even more disturbing.
Agree strongly. One has me blocked.
Same here. She joined and instantly blocked me.
Yes sadly this type of behavior isn't limited to just males.
Its surprising what jealousy and envy can do to some people turns them into unthinking irrational monsters who don't care about other peoples feelings.
I see a thread that should be gone by now. It's clearly an attack on a friend here.
I hate this place sometimes.
I know the post but he is one of the 'golden' people so nothing will happen. Sticking the knives in is a hobby for some people on here.
If a woman wants no ** that is that. For me it was always painful, I am single and expect to be this way. A married man that isn't getting ** might want to get divorced, i wouldn't blaim him. . But cheating is not the answer.
Are you serious? First of all: No one owns anyone's body..even spouses.Second of all, I notice you are blaming the woman, because of course men are OWED ****, right? How awful and "selfish" would a man be if he didn't whip his pants off any time his wife wanted to? I don't know about you, but I certainly would never,ever want to be having sexual relations with anyone who didn't want to be involved. Also, marital rape DOES exist. A marriage license is not a free for all on your spouse's genitalia. Life happens. We are not machines. There is NO reason to put this kind of garbage thinking forward. No one owes anyone their bodies.
I think it's very selfish in the case where the man does not have ED and has a healthy sexual appetite for her to lose interest and quit showing the love. Does she expect him to feel good about himself and not look elsewhere? If you don't want
Depends on the reason why she doesn't want it. We are not and should never not be slaves to men, sexually or otherwise. There are many reasons a woman's **** drive will slow down or stop. Calling it selfish is insulting when painting with such a broad brush.
What happens in the **** life of another womans relationship is not my business to resolve or complain about.
For help please contact us here.
You're using the touch version of Amirite, you can switch to the full site.
© amirite.com 2018. Icons by DryIcons.